How can I be a better partner?
How can I build and sustain a great relationship?
How can I find a truly satisfying partnership?
If you have ever asked yourself one of these questions, then you are one of many of us searching for a deeper and more supportive connection with our partners.
Learning to be a better partner can take a lifetime of practice and commitment, but the results are absolutely worth it.
If the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives, who wouldn’t give whatever they could to feel truly loved and appreciated, and to have a relationship with real passion and connection?
Building a better partnership takes work, but the process is surprisingly simple if you go into it with an open mind.
These four steps from life strategist Tony Robbins are designed to give anyone the blueprint they need to create the relationship of their dreams.
WARNING: while the journey to a better relationship begins within, your partner also needs to be invested in making the relationship work. You can never have an ideal relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you, someone who doesn’t love you, or someone who is emotionally, verbally or physically abusive.
Instead of focussing on what your partner is or isn’t doing, turn your attention to yourself. What are you doing to be a good partner?
Putting your partner’s needs first is a very tangible way to show them that you are there for them and they can trust you, and it’s a key step to fostering a deeper connection.
“You can only treat others as well as you treat yourself,” says Tony. Boost your self-esteem by celebrating your own strengths and recognising what you bring to the relationship.
Address any issues you have outside of the relationship that are impacting your ability to be there for your partner. If these issues can’t easily be solved, work on creating a self-care and self-support system for yourself. This will help you keep your stress from other problems, such as work, from negatively impacting your relationship.
People and circumstances change, and so too do our relationships.
It’s important to understand that your relationship is a dynamic and ever-evolving thing. What’s worked in the past won’t always work in the future, and you need to be ready to adapt.
“You want to become adaptable to your partner’s needs while staying true to your own,” says Tony. “Then you’re able to weather shifting circumstances to build a stronger partnership.”
Real intimacy means sharing the positive at least as much as the negative. Expressing positivity to your partner will bring more joy, lightness and intimacy into your relationship.
“Rather than being your partner’s worst critic,” says Tony, “be understanding and empathetic.” Listen to your partner without judgement.
When your partner is facing a difficult time, show your support by expressing your appreciation for them and doing more than your fair share of domestic tasks to help ease their burden and show them that you are there for them.
“Learning how to be a good partner in a relationship takes vulnerability,” says Tony.
Share your thoughts, feelings and fears with your partner, and make sure you listen to theirs without judgement. Being vulnerable together leads to true intimacy.
Be proactive in sharing domestic tasks and financial responsibility. It’s important to think of your relationship as a partnership where each half does their share.
Don’t just focus on your partner, give some of your energy and attention to their family, friends and colleagues. Doing so will help build bonds that will strengthen the relationship.
“The only way a relationship will last is if you see it as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.”
Source: Tony Robbins