Limiting beliefs are unconscious beliefs we hold about different aspects of our lives.
Personal and performance coach Tony Robbins is an expert at helping people break through these kinds of beliefs. He’s identified the four most common beliefs that affect the four biggest aspects of our lives: health, relationships, career and finances.
We’re going into each of these categories in depth. Today we’re looking at the four most common limiting beliefs about relationships, and how to conquer them.
The only thing that’s keeping you from getting what you want is the story you keep telling yourself. -Tony Robbins
Probably one of the most common limiting beliefs, this one stems from insecurity and a fear of not being good enough. It can be paralysing, stopping you from developing meaningful connections with those you care about, and it can lead to jealousy, controlling behaviour, and manipulation.
Insecurity comes from within yourself—and you are the only one who can conquer it. Try replacing your fear of insecurity with a new belief: that whatever your partner says or does, they are doing it with a positive intention.
Once you can shift to seeing things from that perspective, your relationships will start to thrive.
As Tony Robbins says, “finding someone is not an impractical dream, it requires getting real and raw with yourself about what you want, and ultimately becoming the person that YOU need to be in order to attract your ideal mate.”
Whether you believe in the law of attraction or not, it makes sense that in order to find the person who is right for you, you need to be your true self. Otherwise how will you find someone who truly complements you?
Stop letting this belief be an excuse that keeps you isolated. Go out with friends, be open to new people and new experiences. Say ‘yes’ more often and you might be surprised what turns up!
Remember when you first met your partner, how you wore your best outfits and told your best stories? You marketed yourself to make yourself as appealing as possible.
As a relationship progresses, we tend to stop selling ourselves, particularly after marriage. That can lead to a relationship feeling stale—and to fears that you’ve settled for less than you want.
The reality is that it’s probably not your relationship, but the approach of you and your partner to that relationship.
Tony’s advice: “If you do what you did in the beginning of the relationship, there won’t be an end.”
Rejection can be frightening—IF you give it meaning.
Often when we feel rejected, what’s really happening is that we are reacting to the meaning we have placed on a situation.
The reality is that you don’t know why someone has rejected you—maybe they didn’t like you, sure that’s a possibility, but even more likely is that they were just busy, or not ready for a relationship, or interested in someone else. Most of the time, it probably has nothing to do with you.
You can find power in these situations by changing the story that you’re telling yourself. Start creating an empowering meaning each time you feel rejected so that the situation propels you forward.